Sunday, July 18, 2010

Letters to No One.

I am starting a new feature on my blog that will pop up from time to time called Letters to No One. You know that often repeated advice that if you are mad or upset with someone you should write them a letter to get your feelings out, seal it and put it away? Well, if you don't, it's a me. So here, I will write my secret letter, but instead of sealing it, I'll hit publish and float my opinion out there in the world. Let's pretend these people might care. It'll be fun.

A Modern Day Romeo & Juliet
A pair of star-crossed lovers pimp their life

Dear Bristol Palin:
Oh, Bristol, Bristol, Bristol. I have some bad news. You have been Levi. First of all, let us discuss the fact that you didn't tell your own mother that you were getting engaged because you were scared. Even if your mother is THE pitbull with lipstick, if you are scared to tell her your news, you are not old enough to get married. I think you need to be confident in your adulthood and ability to make your own decisions before you get married. Is Mommy going to call the repair man and make sure your mortgage is paid on time? If this is acceptable to you, well then, we have an even bigger problem.

Okay, so this is beside the point. Here's the real issue and why I'm really concerned. Levi needs you to stay relevant. He was already falling off the radar and slipping into the background of America's pseudo-famous elite. He needed a big move. A drastic one. Perhaps a reunion and marriage with you would work? Now I'm sure that he came back to you crying and professing his love, but I have to tell you, I just don't believe it. I'm also sure he presented the US Weekly idea to you and cited "money for Tripp's future" as the ultimate reason to throw an exclusive reveal right in your mother's face. He wins on both fronts. He wins you from your parents and he wins a nice chunk of change and joint assets upon marriage.

But, I worry about his 5 year plan. I really do. Your engagement reveal, wedding, first year of marriage and perhaps a second child will keep him busy and in the spotlight for a good amount of time, but then when the spotlight begins to fade again, what will he do? Will a divorce tell-all be the next exclusive interview he'll give?

You're young, scared, a little bit lost and want to do your best. I can see that. Him though? I see the dollar signs and camera flashes he sees with every little move he plans out. I don't want you to be left even more confused and brokenhearted down the road. You're a young, precious flower and...okay I'll stop.

Unless of course you're in on this too. Then, more power to you.


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